Sunday Funnies

            

 As I told you before on this blog. I was as an actor for a while out in LA, Hoping,of course for a huge film deal. One of the problems I had was that I was not a quick study. I would spend hours going over my lines to make sure I had it right. So one day I'm at a rehearsal in Long Beach for a musical I'm doing in a few weeks. I get a call from Leo DuRocher, my manager. He say's "Tag I got a part for you in some civil war thing. Tonight,out at Santa Monica Civic, 8 O'clock, There's going to be lots of big time movie people there. Now I now you're not a quick study but this should be easy". Leo Says "You only have one line 'Hark, I hear the cannon's roar' Okay Leo I won't fuck this up you,have my word, One line "Hark I hear the lions roar! Not lions you idiot it's  'Cannons boy Cannons' "I'm sorry Leo 'Cannons" that is easy 'Hark I hear the Cannons roar' but "Leo,what's my cue' " Don't worry about that" he said. "The director told me you would know it when you heard it. Just get there on time". "Now please! Don't let me down this time, Tag or you may never work in this business again.. Do you understand. Yeah Leo, I understand". I need to be at the Santa Monica Civic by 8. I have Just the one line, Hark I hear the Camel's roar! " What's it pay"? "Trust me Kid" Says Leo 'the Snake' DuRocher, It pays $200 and you get the usual 40 percent"  'Wow Leo that's almost 50 bucks after taxes". "Yeah Kid,  50 bucks Pretty soon, You will be rolling in dough just like I promised. Just don't fuck this up Now one more time What's the line"?. "I got it Leo it's ' HARK, I HEAR THE CANNONS ROAR" "Right on boy.now good luck,  Break a leg"
   So  I continue on with rehearsal and we start wrapping things up about 6:30 and I'm thinkin to myself  I got plenty of time to get get to Santa Monica, but I better leave now, just in case. So I jump on the 405 and I'm repeating my one line "HARK, I HEAR THE CANNONS ROAR, HARK I HEAR THE CANNONS ROAR, HARK I HEAR THE CANNONS ROAR", I 've got that down,  but I'm still a litle worried about the cue. I trust Leo  though and if he's says the director will let me know then there's nothing to worry about.
   "HARK I FEAR THE CANNONS ROAR" HARK, I FEAR THE CANNONS ROAR. Okay I got it now. So I'm heading North on the 405 repeating my line and traffic begins to slow near Inglewood. Now I'm getting anxious. I don't want to blow this gig.  As I come up on the Airport offramp the traffic comes to a complete stop. Oh Shit! This is not good. I say to myself, now I'm thinking of alternate ways but the freeway is still my best bet even if we're just creepin' along. So I continue to repeat my line "HARK I HEAR THE CONDOM'S ROAR. No that's wrong. HARK I HEAR THE CANNON ROAR". Now its getting later and later and  know I'm not going to make it by 8, but it will be close . Finally the traffic picks back up. I see that near the airport there is an overturned semi blocking two lanes. Chip's have the traffic rerouted off the freeway down to the surface streets to the next exit. I'm getting more anxious. Okay, a little past 8 then.
Everything goes smooth from there on I continue to chant my line "HARK I REAR THE CANNON ROAR!  HARK, I REAR THE CANNON ROAR". Finally I get to Santa Monica Civic Center and find the stage door, "SO YOU ARE THE KID DEROCHER SEND, EH! the Director screams "YOU ARE FUCKING LATE CURTAIN CALL WAS AT 8:15. IT'S NOW 8:30. FUCK, GET DRESSED YOU'RE ON IN A FEW MINUTES". "Wait! what's my cue? "DON'T WORRY YOU WILL KNOW IT WHEN YOU FUCKING HEAR IT! YOU DO REMEMBER YOUR LINE, YES" "Yeah sure it's PARK, I FEAR THE CANON ROAR" The director begins to tear his hair out.. "OY I KILL THAT FUCKIN DEROCHER" " "Close enough kid, now get changed. The stage manager will give you the  cue to enter. so hurry and get changed". So I do.  As the stage manager pulls me aside I ask him. "What's my cue"? Don't worry you will know when you hear it. Okay I start chanting my line quietly "Fark, I hear the traffic roar" No that's not right. "Spark I hear the condom roar" fuck that's not it either. Just then the stage manager pushes me and says "Center Stage Now" so I saunter out to center stage. I look a t the audience and strike a miltary pose. I hear this loud BOOM from Stage left.  I look that way then turn to the audience and I say WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?